Fear Of Success: More Likely to Affect Women

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• What is fear of success?

• What does gender have to do with all of this?

• What typically happens when a woman experiences success?

• How to spot the differences between fear of success and fear of failure.

• 5 Tips for Overcoming Fear of Success

• Conclusion

What is fear of success?

Fear of success is the anxiety or apprehension about achieving success or reaching one’s full potential. While fear of failure is more commonly discussed, fear of success is rooted in concerns about the potential changes, responsibilities, or consequences that success may bring.

Because it is so similar to fear of failure, it is often not recognized as the source of anxiety and therefore can go untreated or even mistakenly treated as fear of failure.

On the surface both fears share the following signs making it difficult to spot the reason for the behavior without deep searching questions and examining other behaviors.

Procrastination - the action of delaying or postponing something. In both fears the person prioritizes inaction and/ or focuses on other activities that basically keep things the way they are

Self-sabotage - engaging in behaviors that are harmful to one’s own interests or development. In both fears the person may derail their own efforts after initiating the process.

We are more familiar with the term fear of failure and its association to these behaviors. This increases the likelihood of assuming the source is the fear of failure because it is easier to observe these behaviors.

There are more resources available to assist people dealing with fear of failure. So many women are funneled into coaching and therapy sessions that waste hours of their valuable time trying to overcome fear of failure when truly they are experiencing fear of success.

In addition, societal norms are biased towards treatment of male issues. In our attempts to implement a version of equality we tend to repackage the treatments that men need into “pink boxes” and deliver them to women.

True equality would be to ensure that we all have access to a cure as opposed to having access to the same medicine.

What does gender have to do with all of this?

Here is my observation. Societal norms place men as the head of households and de facto leaders of families. In single-parent homes led by women, males are expected to step up and become “a man”. This usually means acting out the societal norms of what is considered a man.

Therefore, it is more likely that men experience a greater sense of responsibility for the outcomes of their choices and actions in relation to taking care of a family. Men are therefore more prone to experiencing fear of failure.

Women on the other hand are cast in a supporting role and do not experience the same expectations for performance and shouldering the blame for any negative outcomes that men traditionally face. Unless you are a single mother, which comes with its own unique set of societal pressures, such as: 'What is wrong with you that you don't have a man?'

To some extent the effect of these traditional gender roles has resulted in women learning to operate in relative freedom from the pressures related to male stereotyped leadership.

Women therefore are more adept at observing, trying, failing and learning. These are some of the key ingredients for success. However, since women are often overlooked and minimized by their male counterparts, the skills and intelligence that they have acquired become a burden simply because they are not afforded an outlet.

You know the saying “behind every successful man is a woman”. This is still the limit that our societal norms will allow in recognition of women’s participation and contributions to the survival of the human species. The man is successful and the woman is behind.

There has been much progress in our society in the past 20 years but we are only now in the early stages of a much needed renaissance in the realm of gender.

So it is my theory that women are more likely to suffer from fear of success than fear of failure. Here is why:

Women are much more comfortable with failure than men are. They are the ones who have always supported men in all their failures. In fact they are perfectly comfortable to sit back and let a man fail. Think of the typical comedic roadtrip scenario where the man is lost and does not want to ask for directions. Or the simple task of assembling furniture but the man refuses to read the instructions.

Women do not have any issues asking for directions or reading instructions. Men on the other hand are more likely to forego these two basic common sense activities. Women know better, they give men the warning, they accept being ignored and wait for men to come around to the “I told you so” moment.

What typically happens when a woman experiences success?

Women who achieve success in business or corporate roles often face unique challenges and negative impacts due to societal expectations, workplace dynamics, and gender biases. Some typical negative impacts include:

1. Work-Life Balance Pressure

Increased expectations at home: Successful women often face pressure to excel not only in their careers but also in their roles as caregivers, leading to burnout and stress.

Guilt or societal judgment: Women may experience guilt for spending time away from family or face judgment for prioritizing career over traditional family roles.

2. Gender Bias and Discrimination

Unequal recognition: Despite their achievements, women may be overlooked for promotions or leadership roles compared to their male counterparts.

Double standards: Women are often expected to strike a balance between being assertive and nurturing. Assertiveness, celebrated in men, can be seen as abrasive in women.

3. Pay Inequality

Even with success, many women still face wage gaps compared to men in similar roles, contributing to long-term financial disparities like lower retirement savings.

4. Isolation or Lack of Mentorship

Lack of support networks: Women in senior positions often find fewer female mentors and role models, leading to feelings of isolation.

Exclusion from male-dominated networks: They may be excluded from informal networks where many decisions and promotions occur, like after-hours socializing.

5. Imposter Syndrome

Successful women often struggle with self-doubt and feelings of not deserving their success, leading to anxiety and a need to constantly prove themselves.

6. Stereotype Threat

Perceived incompetence: Women may face stereotypes about their competence or emotional stability, especially in male-dominated industries, leading to pressure to overperform.

7. Sexual Harassment or Microaggressions

Even in high-ranking positions, women often face sexual harassment, microaggressions, or subtle sexism, which can erode confidence and create hostile work environments.

8. Pressure to Conform to Gender Norms

Appearance pressure: Successful women often face scrutiny for their appearance, dress, or behavior, with expectations to conform to traditional femininity while maintaining professional authority.

Motherhood penalties: Women who become mothers may be seen as less committed to their careers, facing biased assumptions about their productivity or ambition.

9. Health Impacts

Stress and burnout: Constant pressure to prove themselves, combined with the demands of high-level work, can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, or even physical health problems.

10. Perceived Threat by Colleagues

Backlash from peers: Male colleagues may feel threatened by successful women and engage in subtle undermining tactics, while some female colleagues may view them as competition, leading to workplace conflicts or exclusion.

How to spot the differences between fear of success and fear of failure.

After years of successful coaching outcomes with women, here is what I have learned about spotting the differences. In addition to assessing their responses to questions around procrastination and self-sabotage, I pay close attention to the following signals.

Reluctance to share goals vs set goals

Persons suffering from fear of success are usually very reluctant to share their goals. It can often seem as though they do not have any goals of their own as they are really good at “bigging up” the accomplishments and goals of other people who they are closely connected with.

As a good friend, coach or therapist you can uncover their goals with a series of progressively searching questions that drill down into what they are dreaming of. You will soon discover a well thought out plan that is just sitting idle because they don’t want to deal with the negative consequences of success.

You'll sense the energy of their confidence in their goals, yet notice a striking contrast in the unexpected negativity—something you'd not expect from someone seemingly destined for success.

On the other hand, persons suffering from fear of failure simply refuse to set goals. These persons spend more time talking about their wishes and there is a clear disconnect between what they wish for and what they act on. If they do have any goals they are not usually “SMART”. They usually lack in the areas of being specific and achievable.

Downplaying achievements

This is a key characteristic of persons who suffer from fear of success. They generally avoid talking about their accomplishments or minimize the value of their achievements. Persons suffering from fear of failure usually talk about the problems they have experienced to point where you would be surprised to learn that they did succeed in the end.

Low self-esteem

Persons suffering from fear of success can come over as having low self-esteem, a deeper dive will reveal there is more of a sense of unworthiness, which is a symptom of low self-esteem.

To tell the difference, look for signs of self-doubt or lack of self-confidence, which are related to persons suffering from fear of failure. Persons suffering from fear of success know what they can do, they just don’t want to deal with the potential consequences.

Excessive worry

People suffering from fear of success tend to express worry about losing relationships they cherish if they go after what they want.

Persons suffering from fear of failure tend to overthink things and become stuck in a state of ‘analysis paralysis’, They are often seeking external validation and second guessing themselves.

Avoiding opportunities

People suffering from fear of success will avoid opportunities because of the outcomes that accompany success. For example, 'I don’t want to open another restaurant because it means I have to spend more time away from home.' Or, 'I don’t want another promotion. Why don’t you give it to Mary, she was hired before me and I don’t want her to feel bad.'

People suffering from fear of failure are simply reluctant to try new things, they stick to their comfort zone. They often express fears of what could go wrong even when they are operating in their comfort zone and they seem driven by negative emotions. They say things like, I made sure I completed the assignment early because I did not want to get fired.

5 Tips for Overcoming Fear of Success

Overcoming the fear of success requires understanding the root of the fear and developing strategies to manage it. Here are five key steps to help you work through this challenge:

1. Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear

Recognize the root causes: Reflect on what specifically makes you afraid of success. Is it fear of increased responsibility, judgment from others, or self-doubt?

Acknowledge the emotional impact: Accept that fear is a normal part of growth. By recognizing it, you can begin to address it instead of letting it control your actions.

2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Examine your mindset: Identify any limiting beliefs that are holding you back, such as "I don't deserve success" or "People will judge me if I succeed."

Reframe your thinking: Replace those beliefs with empowering ones like "I am capable of handling success" or "Success will allow me to grow and help others."

3. Visualize Positive Outcomes

Envision success: Create a clear mental image of what success looks like for you. Focus on the positive aspects, such as increased fulfillment, opportunities, and personal growth.

Affirm your goals: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your belief in your ability to succeed, reminding yourself of the benefits rather than the fear.

4. Break Down Goals into Manageable Steps

Start small: Break down your larger success goals into smaller, actionable steps that feel less overwhelming.

Celebrate progress: Acknowledge and celebrate each milestone you achieve, which builds confidence and reduces fear around the overall goal of success.

5. Develop a Support System

Seek mentorship or coaching: Surround yourself with people who have overcome similar fears and can offer guidance, such as mentors, coaches, or supportive friends.

Share your fears: Talk openly about your fears with trusted individuals. Sometimes, simply verbalizing the fear reduces its power over you and provides clarity.

Conclusion

Overcoming the fear of success is an empowering journey for women, one that requires self-awareness, courage, and a shift in mindset. By identifying and challenging limiting beliefs, embracing personal achievements, and building a strong support system, women can confidently step into their power and thrive. Despite the challenges of gender inequality, many women face them with resilience, and their success paves the way for a more equitable future.

Dale Moore and Melanie Chikowski are the authors of the book Make It About You and its accompanying journal, My Dreams to Goals to Reality Journal.