What Does Success Look Like (to you)?

What does success look like to you?

Have you ever done something that you were really proud of only to be told that it was nothing in comparison to whoever or whatever someone else has done?

I am not talking about the “everyone gets a trophy culture”, no I am talking about the time when you dreamed about something you wanted. You set the goals, put in the effort and you achieved the precise outcomes that you envisioned.

In that moment you are experiencing the euphoria of success. Your energy is high. You feel you can take on anything or anyone so you share your success with someone else. You tell them your story and like a sharp pin pricking a balloon they say the words that produce that loud pop of “so-called reality”. Your thoughts start to flail and whip around in your head until you feel that sense of complete deflation.

Your success was not their idea of success! Their idea of success is based on "the real world".

Is success the same as winning?

We all experience this in our lives, it is a constant part of our existence. Comparison and competition are hardwired into our brains. Learning how to master them is critical if you want to hang onto your euphoric feelings of success. More importantly, if you want to live your dream life you need to understand what success looks like to you.

I often tell my clients, “all winning is success, but not all success is winning.”

Follow me on this one, I enjoy running 5K’s. I train all year in preparation for two to three races. More often than not when someone asks me how was your weekend? And I reply that I ran a 5K race, the follow up question is, what did you come, or, did you win?

It used to bother me, but not anymore. Today I understand that their version of success is not mine. The reason most people stay on the sidelines is because they do not see themselves as winners. Afterall, what is the point of trying if you are not going to win?

In their minds the only success is winning. Most people think like this, it is a feature of the world we live in. We are programmed to be passive spectators. In sports when our team wins we cheer, we feel like winners too and when they lose we feel like losers.

I noticed a similar effect on people who watch business news. When the stock market is up, they feel good about their money and when it goes down they feel bad. Funny thing is when I ask them if they have any investments that are being affected, they are seldom investors. They have never bought a single share in the stock market.

Navigating the realm of Comparison & Competition

If you want to live your dream life you need to dream for you and you alone. Your success needs to be the thing that brings you a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. In this life we can always have more than someone else and yes one of us will be the best and have the most of something but that is what it is in the realm of comparison and competition.

Live in the realm of Success & Fulfillment

Right alongside the realm of comparison and competition is the realm of success and fulfillment. You should build your mental home here in success and fulfillment. The realm of comparison and competition is a vacation destination. It is a place you can visit occasionally but it is very expensive to live there and only a few can sustain the lifestyle.

Holiday in the realm of Comparison & Competition

A visit to the realm of comparison and competition is a great way to test yourself to find out if you are your best self. It helps you figure out if you can go beyond your current boundaries. However if you stay too long it will infect your mind in negative ways. In this realm, they tell you what success is and if you do not have those certain things then you are a failure.

If you run a business but you are not on the Forbes list, you are nothing. If you play golf and you did not win a PGA tournament, you are nothing. It doesn't matter that your business or golf earnings have created a comfortable life for you, no, they tell you where you need to live and what you need to drive if you want to be their version of success.

We are bombarded with constant news and images about the lifestyles of the rich and famous. They want you to be in a constant state of greed, always seeking to have what someone else has, even if it does not bring you any sense of fulfillment. Your hard work and efforts are dedicated to someone else’s idea of success.

Should I settle for less?

Some of you will ask if I am saying you should just be content with what little you have? No, I am not talking about settling for less, no, never compromise. Always work to be the best you. Understand that the best you is the one that creates the happiness and fulfillment you dream of, not the idea of success that was dreamt for you.

Stop letting other people define what success looks like for you. Being successful is about being your best self everyday, it is not about being better than others.

Conclusion

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." _ Oscar Wilde.

Isn't it ironic that this quote from Oscar Wilde is as true today as it was more than a century ago in his lifetime? Your journey through life is for you. Your happiness and fulfillment is your responsibility. Stop being a copy and create your authentic self. Ask yourself, what does success look like to me?