Are you Dreaming or Wishing?

Stop Wishing. Start Dreaming!

In a recent coaching session I asked my client to make a list of the two - three things that she was dreaming of accomplishing. She paused for a while and then stated with some apprehension that she had two things in mind that were at the top of her wish list. I listened carefully to her two items and then I asked, “why do you have a wish list?”

She replied with more confidence, explaining that her wish list comprised the things that she secretly hoped would happen, and, if they ever did she would have proof since she had written it down and that it would make her feel accomplished to have her wishes come true.

With further discussion, it became clear why my client was feeling lost and anxious. She had spent the last twenty years of her life wishing for what she wanted. After leaving college she got a safe job and worked hard to keep up with the typical societal expectations.

Unfulfilled and wanting more?

As a recruitment specialist working for a leading financial institution most of her friends think that she is doing well. She has a nice condo, a nice car, a friendly cat and occasional hot dates that often want to take her out again. What else can a mid-forties single professional woman ask for?

Well… she was asking for a lot more. She felt unfulfilled in her role at work and longed for a deeper connection with someone in her personal life. She wanted to be like the executive head hunters that travelled to exotic locations like Singapore to recruit the best C-space talent. She also wanted a great companion to come home to after her business trips, a real partner, not just her cute Maine coon. It was all in her wish list but it never happened in the past twenty years since she wrote it.

Dream Time

I could tell from the intensity of the emotions she expressed that she was ready for a change, so I asked, “if i told you there was one small thing you could do to change the trajectory of your life, would you do it?”.

The answer was swift, “Absolutely!” she blurted out and then just a quickly she relented, “what do you mean by small thing?”.

I chuckled and handed her a copy of my book “Make It About You”, I book-marked the section that I wanted her to read and instructed her to really give some thought to it and we will discuss it in our next session.

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of the book.

Dreams vs Wishes

Dreams are active. Wishes are passive. Dreams are things that we want to accomplish in life, whereas wishes are things that we hope will happen to us.

Unfortunately, these two words are often used interchangeably. In our western society, a birthday is a celebrated milestone. From an early age, children are encouraged to “make a wish” as they blow out their candles. We do not stop to think of the programming that we instill in our children. At the risk of ruining birthday parties for you, it is important to point out the messaging.

Make a Wish?!

The high point of any birthday party is blowing out the candles and making a wish. This is the point at which all attention and energy is focused on the birthday boy or girl. All this energy creates an effect on the mind for that person. The brain makes many positive connections with smiling faces, the happy moment, being the center of attention, everyone allowing you to have this moment all for yourself.

Then just like a magic spell, you blow out the candles and they chant, “make a wish!” Then there is a small moment of silence followed by a loud cheer as the incantation takes effect. Ok, maybe not so dramatic, but you get the point. We are programmed to wish from a very early age. Wishing is encouraged.

Dreams - they don't want you to take control

Dreaming on the other hand is often discouraged. Our structured school systems seldom allow time for dreaming. “Stop daydreaming” or “Get your head out of the clouds” are familiar statements. Dreaming is often seen as a waste of time or doing nothing.

There is a gas-lighting effect when we say to our children you can be anything you want to be when they grow up. Then we kill the dream process and promote the wish process instead.

This results in the belief that you can be anything you want to be if someone or something outside of you allows it to happen.

Woke?

The next session with this client was supposed to be in two weeks but three days later I received an email requesting a follow-up chat. I had a 30 minute opening so I set up a Zoom call for later that afternoon.

Her first words were, “Now I’m woke!”

The look on my face was enough to tell her that I needed more.

She continued, “the birthday party, that was me, I always felt like I needed things to go right for me, I never realized that I was programmed to wish. I changed my wish list to dream list and now I am ready to start setting goals and taking action to make my dreams real.”

Conclusion

We have all found ourselves feeling stuck and just wishing things would be better. Making it better is just around the corner if we learned how to dream effectively. Dreaming is more than thinking about something nice you want in the future.

Learn how, get your copy of “Make It About You”.

Also, coming soon, we will be uploading a series of videos on Youtube (@ddrmlife) to help you move from wishing to dreaming. Follow me to stay up to date.

Thanks for reading!